Basket Case

If you guys don't have any reasons to think I am a basket case I am sure I can certainly fix that for you. I used to LOVE this time of year. In fact I suppose that I still do. I love everything from the lights, to the smells, on and on you know the drill. However the past two years have been very much a whirlwind filled with stress and I just can't keep up and I hate to say it but I really just want it to be over. I always keep things simple but it just seems that no matter how well I plan there is still not enough time in the day for lil' ol' me even when I stay up two weeks straight half the night. I think about what I can cut out and really there is nothing. Should we not go sing to the elderly? Should I not get gifts for Emma's teachers? Can I miss my work party? Should I not visit old friends? Should I tell my students I can't teach them this week? Should I not get Emma gifts from Santa? Should I not feed her dinner even if it is just grilled cheese? Should I skip the disaster dentist appointments? Should Emma's homework go undone? What about the normal stuff like my bills that are now late and the dishes sitting in the sink? Ok on paper it does not look like a lot but I kid you not I have been going non-stop and even through the night. Anyway the way I know that I have finally lost it is that I have done really ridiculous things and am becoming extremely forgetful and scatterbrained. One night last week I went to bed and it was actually only midnight but as I was sitting there reading and contemplating the next day I realized I had a huge IEP to write an assessment and goals for the next day. How in the world did I forget after thinking about it just that afternoon? I got back up and winged it. Then a couple days ago I had a card to send to my friend (mind you it was the second one of it's type that I lost) and I did not put a stamp and put it in the mailbox and didn't even realize until several hours later that I had never put one on. Then today I had two and a half loads of things to bring to the car for Christmas parties today and somehow I forgot to bring Emma's crackers that I volunteered to bring for her class party and just realized tonight many hours too late. Phew, I am losing my mind. This same thing happened last year. Funny thing is that I always have perpetually have tons to do as a sole single working parent but Christmas is setting me over the edge. That is so sad to me because I love Christmas and hate to now associate it with so much stress. I am not even one to stress to begin with. Hmmm...When I am overwhelmed and don't have enough time to get everything done I just lose my mind I suppose. I forget stupid things here and there because the list is so darn long. I wonder if that is why I have a splitting headache? Or maybe it is why I am trying to fight off getting sick? Anyway as much as I love Christmas I just want it to be done. I am tired and I just want a vacation so I can do nothing but sit and sleep and read and watch TV(This won't happen till my next life). I want to go somewhere far away from here so I won't be tempted to try and get stuff done. In fact maybe this is mean but I would be happy to have a small vacation without Emma. I love spending time with her but I need to gain my sanity back. I know it is probably shocking for you to hear since I have the most fun with her and would be lost without her but still it sounds pretty relaxing. I usually don't really like New Years but I think for me it will be a welcome Holiday this year since it means this craziness is over. I need to get away from this chaos and get back to semi-structure. I wish I was superwomen and could keep up but I can't. Although I am sure I will wake up tomorrow and try all over again. Just let me apologize in advance to all of you who are not getting gifts, baked goods, cards, phone calls, or even smiles, or anything of that sort. Maybe I can send you a new years wish instead. I'm all for celebrating in January.