Disabilities

I don't write much about Emma's disabilities or the struggles she has with them. Or the struggles I have parenting a child like her. It is too involved and exhausting and mostly nobody understands anyway so I just get overwhelmed and don't say anything since I would not know where to begin with it all. I will say that the hardest part of her disabilities is the Oppositional Defiant Disorder(ODD)portion. The ADHD and the Learning issues are hard but I think they are harder on her than on me. Ultimately she is the one that has to deal with it. I will hopefully be able to gather enough money to get her tested for Dyslexia this summer. It is much needed but it costs $700 for one type of testing and with a really professional Dr. tester it may be even more. Please cross you fingers for me and pray that we will be able to figure things out for Emma real soon this summer.

With some kids and their disabilities the kids aren't so aware of their differences. With Emma's she is a very smart child but almost stuck or trapped inside her brain that processes things differently and so it is that much harder. She knows she is smart but can't figure out why she can't learn the same way. One friend I had said growing up everyone including teachers made him feel so stupid and even called him stupid but he knew he was smart but learned differently. Here is a sampling of what Emma said tonight and often says...(WARNING IT IS VERY TEAR JERKING)

"I don't want to go to second grade! All the other kids are smarter than me! I wish I was like the other girls. And the boys too. They are gonna call me a baby. I can't go to second grade. I can't even do ten plus ten. I am like a baby using my fingers even for 4 plus 4." She is in tears because she forgets things and just can't remember. "People were making fun of me in first grade already. I don't want to go to a new school without Amber to play with cause she doesn't make fun of me. I am just not as smart as them. I want to be like all the other girls brains. That's what I would like. Even you (mom)get mad at me when I forget things. Like when I forget to turn off the tv. I am on level one for reading and everyone else is on three and four. Now nobody wants to read with me cause I'm not a very good reader. I just want to be able to be like them and do the work. They are gonna make fun of me. Why does my brain have to work different? I just want to be like them."

Among other responses I told her...

"I am gonna take you to a place to get tested this summer so we can get you the help you need and learn how to teach you in the right way for your brain."

She said... "I really want the help. I really really want the help."

I can see it in their playing when Emma is with other kids her age. For example back in like November they were doing a hopscotch game and they were jumping across and counting by twos or fives or whatever. Emma just jumped without counting because she knew she could not do it. She can't memorize random things like her phone number or address. It just kills me to watch her when she is so smart but her brain works so differently than the other kids. She is so aware and it is hard to watch cause she can't figure out why if she is so smart that she can't do the work like the other kids. I hope I can afford to get her the help she needs soon so that we can find out how her brain is processing things and teach her the way she can learn it. It will make a huge difference in this little girls life.

To leave a sweet spot on this post I will say what her childcare teacher said as we said goodbye for the last time this afternoon. "I know you will make a huge difference in this world Emma. You are going to do big things. I will always remember that about you."
I couldn't help but almost tear up when she said that because everyone that knows my little Emma knows that is so her. We have been saying that from the beginning. Beyond her silent struggles Emma has a huge heart and a huge capacity to do big things even more than your "average" person. Now that is very "OBVIOUS" to anyone that has spent any time with her.