Saving the world

Tonight Emma kind of had a break down conversation while I was putting her to bed. Let me set the scene. It has been a VERY crazy month. I can hardly keep my head above water these days. Work has been nuts during the day with IEPs and assessments and my own boss evaluations and problems with cowroks not doing their jobs and then after school I have had meetings and appointments for both myself and Emma. Most days we don't get in until about 6:30pm exhausted so by the time I scrounge something up for dinner, do a little homework, give bath, etc etc it is bedtime and there is no time at all for dilly dallying let alone reading books or having free time. By the time she is actually asleep after 9pm I am beat and have not been able to get anything more than my reports done let alone making lunches, dishes, cleaning bathrooms, laundry, the list goes on and on. The home looks like a hurricane and I feel helpless to do anything about it because there is no end in sight to this busy horrendous schedule of ours. On top of it I have been asked many times to take on some more contract work yet there is just not enough time in a day or days in the week to even get done with what is already on my plate. OK I know this sounds like a venting post but really even though I am frustrated and turned cold to most everything lately because of it, I am really OK. I just zombie through the days and I just figure I will live like a slob and if my bills are late and the other necessary things don't get done well there is nothing I can do. I am doing my best and I am out of gas. So yeah on that end I am fine, not even depressed just pretty numb. So tonight after the usual bedtime routine I was laying with Emma for a little while and she started complaining about going to her childcare after school. She was really upset saying how she didn't like it and very mad that she had to go there every day. I reminded her that grandma had picked her up several days early this week to get her to her meetings but Emma was still very upset saying she just wanted a day off or to go to another daycare. I explained that she had to go there and that is just how it is. A few minutes later I told her maybe I could pick her up and take her bowling earlier one day since we have not done that in a very long time. This would of course mean I would need to find a free afternoon...AHHHHHH. She then said something that made me really sad. "Mommy you don't have time for fun anymore we don't get to do anything like that." I then was sad for minute but reminded her how lucky she was and all the great things she has gotten to do that most kids don't get to do. If you know us then you know we are always planning fun outings. She truly does get to do many things. Then we talked about how other kids don't have half of what she does. Then she started talking about how some kids don't have food to eat and she was freaking out that they would die. "Mommy we have to do something to help them. We just HAVE to!!" This went on for a long time and she was in tears about helping these people that have no food to eat. She said she is going into her piggy bank tomorrow to give them the money and that we need to give them the food in our cupboards. I tried to explain that there is only so much we can do and we will try our best but she gets so upset by any kind of suffering that she can't get past it. I wish we could save the whole world but the fact is we can't. I said we would do what we could and maybe we could take some food to a food bank. Then she was freaking out that they would not have pans to cook the food or a can opener to open it, etc. For a six year old she gets really in depth. Anyway I guess our new family goal is to save the world one person at a time. We have our challenge mapped out for us. I am glad Emma is so compassionate but when does it go so far that it controls your whole life? She even got preoccupied with these things since she could just barely talk. As a toddler I remember these same conversations. I see a helping future for this kid. What a sweetie.