Taking away the pain

I think every parent can understand the deep feeling of wanting to take away any pain your child is experiencing. It starts when they are little and they are sick and all you can do is hold them while they throw up in a bucket or stay up all night crying coughing with a fever. Then as they get older it turns into things like their best friend won't talk to them or they tried so hard but still had to sit out for not following directions in school. I am right with most other parents trying to minimize any pain my child experiences and as Emma gets older it seems harder and harder to do. Her pain is more intense (and if you know my Emma even normal things are intense for her so I am talking way beyond that) and the things she is hurt by are much more real and pronounced and even abstract. She tripped on stage practicing for a play and was in huge tears about how embarrassed she was and I could sense the deep down stabbing wounds she felt inside, another day she was intently and loudly yelling through the restaurant about how she really really wanted a dad and that she thought she was the only one that doesn't have one, then one time she was frustrated and upset that she has such a hard time in school with the things she deals with and others don't and burst out saying she was "just not a good rememberer." Or we will be getting ready for church and she will tell me "mommy I just really can't sit today I feel it inside I just can't do it, don't make me do it." For a kid with severe ADHD and that is pretty aware of her capabilities it is hard to not be able to help her since there are no good answers. One day we were driving home and she was crying about something that had her extremely upset and the song "It will all get better in time" came on and she said through her sobs "It will not all get better in time!" I suppose Leona didn't know what she was singing about. Even though I try to be the strong one for her it is Emma that gets me through tough situations on many occassions even if she does not realize it. On one particularly bad night last week there was a HORRIFIC fight upstairs for many hours in the middle of the night that ended in a call to the police at about 3:30am. At one point my cute little girl, even though terrified, made me laugh so hard when she walked out to get me exclaiming "IT SOUNDS LIKE A HEARD OF ELEPHANTS UP THERE!" I don't know what I'd do without her funny words of wisdom at times, even through all the growing pains of life. There are so many things I wish I could fix and make go away for her but since I know I can't I had to sit back and let it go so we could just experience the losses. I have realized that all I can do is hold her, validate her feelings, and tell her I love her and just keep on showing her how much I care even if I feel like crying right along with her. I suppose part of life is realizing some things are painful and we can't take it all away as hard as it is to see my child in so much pain deep down. The other day Emma was talking about her friend that sprained her leg and was remembering when she broke her arm a couple years back. During our conversation I told her "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Well that's the last time I tell that to my 6 1/2 year old. She was quick to say that she is no stronger for breaking her arm and going through the pain etc. She could not think of one way it made her stronger. She just didn't understand what I tried to explain to her. I guess the reality is that even I sometimes have a hard time remembering that the trials in our lives are there for a reason. We all have them and no two people have the same ones. Sometimes it is years later or maybe never that we realize why we went through those things but I do know for sure there is a reason in the end. All I can do is hope that the same little girl that I try so hard to protect from pain remembers the words she once told me... I was having an extra bad day about a year ago and when I accidentally poured out little beads or something all over the kitchen it set me over the edge and I sat down on the floor and almost started to cry when she came up to me and hugged me and said "It's OK mommy, we'll get through this." So whenever things become too much and I wish all her pain would just come to me instead of her I have a sweet reminder in my head that this too shall pass.