New Years Optimism

I just reposted this. I really don't like this poist but I figure I need something up to remember New Years. Ugh.

This is my attempt at being optimistic about the brand new year ahead of us. I am typically not a fan of New Years. I would rather stay in than go out. But even staying in it is depressing when you are in alone. I quite frankly was dreading New Year's Eve. It means another year is gone and what do I have to show for it. I am still alone and struggling. During the few months before the end of this year I started getting anxious because not only does it mean that another year has past that I have not gotten myself to a better place but also this coming year I am turning the big 3-0. OK being 30 in itself is not a big deal to me. And not being married well I guess I can deal with too. But facing the fact that I will probably never have another child that kills me. I have read articles and know that one must become at peace with this piece of information but I guess for several reasons I have not gotten myself completely to that point. One part of that is that Emma will be alone here after I am gone. How unfair to her. So there is one reason I was dreading 2009 but I decided that night I would make it fun for Emma. I went out and bought noise makers, horns, party poppers, and snaps. Then we went to the grocery store (don't ever go on new years again it was like people were preparing for a natural disaster) and loaded up on snacks. Emma was so excited that we were eating junk food and drinking root beer that she could hardly contain herself. We watched the ball drop on NY time at 9pm and then weirded out our neighbors by partying outside for a few minutes to ring in the new year. It was all worth it when I saw how happy Emma was. After getting her to bed I really wanted to sleep myself but between the bad vacation schedule I was on and the horrible squeaky floors upstairs and Emma in my bed always because of it there was no chance. I am happy to say that by chance I did bizarrely fall asleep at 10 minutes before midnight on the couch and did not wake up again until 12:30am. What are the odds? That definitely helped me. Anyway as much as I was dreading the new year I have been trying to turn it around and be somewhat optimistic. Maybe 2009 will be MY year. Maybe just maybe I will have good fortune. My mom keeps saying my 30s will be my decade to shine so here's to hoping she is right. Now for the grand finale I will list the top five reasons I can have a glimmer of optimism this year. 1. Maybe I will find a new great place to live. 2. I can continue to find the help Emma needs. 3. It is possible that I will become rich and famous/well at least rich. 4. I continue to be in a great place emotionally/spiritually and the like. 5. Health problems can possibly be resolved.
As you can see these are not exactly new years resolutions but they are still things that I can have hopes of accomplishing in the year to come. Haha, that is about as positive as I can get about entering my 30s. As a side note, I definitely see a correlation of the new years cleansing people feel which is appropriate because we just celebrated the birth of the Savior and he has provided us with the ultimate cleansing abilities. When I think of Christmas and the birth of Christ and everything he did I am so thankful so why do I feel such a negative association with New Years? Isn't New Years a time to look at what we did wrong last year and get rid of it and then make plans to do better? Not only do better but add good things in. Yes, that will provide me with more optimism this time around in this New Year. All I needed was to associate it with Christmas!